God intended for married couples to be happy.  He created woman to be a helpmate for man.  Many couples today encounter obstacles to happiness in their relationship.  Some of these obstacles are easily resolved.  Others fester, become chronic, and can destroy a relationship.

While some marital conflicts require counseling to be resolved, others can be remedied or prevented through proven techniques.  I will present eight personally acquired and tested techniques that keep a marriage relationship healthy.

Tip #1  Show an interest in spouse’s activities                                                                   

Your spouse has developmental needs outside the marriage.  Allow him or her to participate in healthy interests outside the marriage.  You don’t want to smother the one you love.  You want to encourage personal growth.  Take an active interest in your spouse’s activities.  Ask open-ended questions.  You’ll be communicating your love for your spouse.

Tip #2  In relationship — act and speak out of love

When occasions arise for potential conflict, hold back pride and try to react with love.  Don’t let self dominate, demanding to have your way.  Put your spouses needs ahead of you wants.

Overlook the habits of your spouse that inconvenience you.  Voice your annoyance to your spouse.  You may want to propose a creative solution.  Always remember, your spouse is never going to be perfect, not even to please you.

Tip #3  Build spouse up, never criticize 

The one you married thinks the world of you.  When you criticize, part of their world starts crashing down.  Your spouse needs love and acceptance from you.  Compliments or kind suggestions for improvement are more palatable. Encouragement helps maintain your spouse’s self worth and readiness to cope with the world.

Tip #4  Own your feelings, don’t blame spouse for them

During an argument, report your feelings, but don’t blame your spouse for making you feel that way.  Own your feelings.  They originated with you.

Be resolved to communicate your distress with the goal of problem solving the issue at hand.  Being vindictive by placing the blame on your spouse is not productive.

Tip #5  Don’t assume things

You are not a mind reader.  You cannot assume your spouse did or said something for a particular reason.  Ask instead of assuming.  The reason he or she spoke or acted was probably innocuous and had nothing to do with hurting you.  If your spouse isn’t readily available, put the issue on hold and get on with your life.

Tip #6  Be slow to anger

Expressing unrestrained anger is destructive to a marriage relationship.  Find a way to deal with your anger, to diffuse it.  Do something to take your mind off the situation — something physical or something you enjoy.  Later, return with a tempered attitude.  Express your feelings calmly and directly.

Perhaps you can propose a solution to the problem within your relationship.  Remain calm so that your spouse will likely not feel threatened or retaliate with anger.  You want to create an environment conducive to problem solving.

Tip #7  Talk over issues, considering options

Married couples will develop issues that need to be resolved.  While discussing an issue with your spouse, remain calm.  Stay in touch with the love you have for your spouse, even though it may be diminished by the issue.

Be resolute in seeking solutions.  Try to be creative in considering options agreeable to both of you.

Seek help from a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve the issues yourselves.

Tip #8  Make a date with spouse once a week

The honeymoon’s over.  You’ve lost that excitement within your marriage.  You have less time to spend with your spouse.  Try this.  Make a date with your spouse once a week.  Take turns figuring out something to do.

Do something fresh, something you don’t usually do.  Even an hour or two spent together doing the unconventional can jump start or maintain your relationship.  The key here is to concentrate on doing something your spouse would love to do, and particularly with you.

In conclusion, God established marriage in the Garden of Eden and intends for happy, long lasting unions.  I hope this post will help you experience a happy marriage with longevity.

Please feel free to comment, especially on any techniques you’ve found which contribute to a happy marriage.



2 comments so far

  1. Linda on

    Betsy that was amazing! Very well written & very good guidelines to live by.

    Sent from my iPhone


    • betsyborchardt on

      Thank you much for voicing your approval. I’m happy you liked my marriage post. I hope readers take it to heart.

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